Thursday, June 28, 2007


Isn't it funny how several different people can look at a piece of artwork and walk away with several perceptions? Think about it. I am sure the artist had a certain person or experience in mind when they created the piece, yet when we look at it we can see a different person or experience. Same goes for book or novel. I am sure there are stories and instances that the author writes about a specific person or experience, but when we read them we instantly think of someone or something we have experienced.

I think our lives are the same way. Others can look at us and think we have it all together, when in reality we are as clueless as they are. Or we can look at others and see a picture-perfect life, not knowing the heartache and pain they hide. Just like a piece of artwork, our master created us with a specific plan and role. Some may spend their entire life searching for that plan and role, while others spend their entire life running from that plan or role. I can honestly say I been both of those types of people. For so long all I wanted was to know my purpose. Especially being born with a birth defect, I often wondered what God had in mind when he created me. What was he thinking? And then there have been times when I foud out where God was leading me, but I took my eyes off of him and began to be lead by fear. Or should I say became frozen by fear. It's not always the best thing to know what God has in store for you. God created each of us for a God-given purpose, which means sometimes our purpose is greater than what we may see as possible. Because it's for God to achieve through us, not us to achieve by ourselves.

It's taken me a lot of years to be able to say that last statement and truly understand what it means. I am sure there are going to be plenty of people who will have a perspective of who I am and how my life should be lived, but I know that there's only one perception that matters. Just like a piece of art, it's not viewer's opinion that matters as much as it is the creator's. Same is true for our lives. It's not the opinion of those who observe it that matters, as much as the opinion of our creator.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Stuck in traffic

Tonight I was stuck in a traffic jam for about 45 minutes. Isn't it funny how when we have to wait in traffic we instantly learn how to complain. I mean I was already tired, my gas was on low fuel, not to mention I was on low cash. It just was not a good time for me to be stuck in traffic. I also think it's crazy how you can a learn a lot about a person by watching hw they react in a traffic jam. You have the lookers. You know who I am talking about the folks who swerve from right to left hoping to caught a glimpse of the delay. Then there are the movers. These are the folks who could stand still if their life depended on it. They are constantly edging clsoer and closer to you think that will make the traffic move. Finally there are the NASCAR wanna bes. These are the folks that think a traffic jam is there one chance to drive like they're at the Bristle track. They are flying down the side of you on the edge of the road stirring up dust or they are spinning dirt trying to turn around in the median. Tonight I was thinking about the differnt types of people that are in this world and how easy it is to get caught up defining them rather than developing them. It is so much easy to say what aperson is or isn't rather than to help be what they can and need to be.

I did it!

My parents bought me a grill about a month ago and it has been sitting in the box ever since. Well until yesterday. I finally got tried of sweeping around this big box in the living room. It was beginning to be more of a table than a grill. So I decided to stop waiting and start building it. It took me about two hours just to get to step three ... lol. And then I put something in wrong and had to take it apart and start over. It finally took me about six hours, my roommate's assistance and a batch of cookies to get it together. (Well at least almost, I still haven't hooked up the tank or cooked on it yet.) But I guess that kinda how life is ... you get where you think you are supposed to be, only to find out that's not right and have to start all over again. But I guess like the grill, there's always a lesson in the process that make the result worth while. Now everytime I cook on the grill I will be reminded of how I did it ... I put it together!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Live in the Now

Isn't it crazy how we can get so caught up trying to figure ours lives out that we forget to live them. Sometimes I feels as though I have wasted so much time searching for answers and direction I didn't need. When I really think about it I know I didn't waste all that time but that it was time God needed to shape and mold me into who I am now. But why is it so easy to get caught up in our futures? Why can't we just be satisfied where we are at? Sometimes it seems like it's easier to live in our past than it is to live in the now.

I recently went home to visit family and friends. While I was there I got to spend some time with my grandma. She has Alzheimers and had to be put in a nursing home a few weeks ago. Everytime I see her, she changes. She remembers less and less about the past and basically has no concept of the future. As horrible as the disease is that she has, one beautiful thing is that can leave this world knowing nothing but love. All the hurts, pains and disappoints she has experienced in the past no longer have an impact on how she will live her life. Her next step is no longer controlled by the fear of her last.

After spending a couple of hours with her, it's hard not to walk away sad. It's so easy to leave her thinking of how aweful it must be to not be able to remember your family and experiences you've shared with them. But after I give her a big hug and see the sincere smile on her face, I know she's only feeling loved. I know she's living in the now.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matt. 6:34

Monday, June 18, 2007

How much do you care?

When I think about my childhood, I think about how cool it was to be a child of the 80s. (All you 80s kids know what I am talking about.) I find it hard to believe that teens today have not experienced leg warmers, socks with dress shoes, parachute pants, MC Hammer pants, big hair, perms and mullets (yes I had one). They will never get to experience wearing tight rolled jeans with boat shoes or penny loafer without socks. They never had the cabbage patch craze or collect garbage pail kids trading cards. I think 80s had some pretty amazing toys. There were so many awesome dolls and stuffed animals. There was the Strawberry Shortcake crew, Rainbow Brite, and Jem. One f my favorites though was the Care Bears. I had the yellow one, I think it was called “Sunshine.”

When I look back and think about that stuffed animal, I think it’s kinda funny how they were called “Care Bears.” Because I don’t recall caring any more or less just by having the animal. I don’t recall caring any more or less about my family or friends. I think it’s kinda funny too how often we throw that word around and don’t really follow through with what it truly means. I am reading a book called “3 Seconds” by Les Parrott. In it he talks about how vicariously we toss around the word “care,” when we don’t even realize the greek translation of the word means to be sad. That means when you truly care about someone you are sad when they are sad. He goes on the express that in actuality “caring” for a person is so much deeper than mere words we say. “It’s a kind of compassion that allows all of us … to enter the world of another and feel what they feel.”

So next time you tell someone “take care,” remember what you are saying. Remember you are saying you feel their joys and their pains. I believe that’s what people are so desperately seeking … someone who cares. The saying goes people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. I believe life is about people and in order to connect with people you have to show you care. And I am not talking and the fuzzy furry kind of caring either. I mean the genuine “I am hurting with you,” kind of caring.
P.S. Gary, I wrote this last night but I could not post it until this morning because I care so much about my roommate and wanted to help her ... lol

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Ready or Not

I have been thinking ... what does it really mean to be "ready?" When I look at my life I think I am "ready" to do a lot of things. I am "ready" to be married. I am "ready" to be a mother. But am I "ready" to be who God is calling me to be? (Even if that means I won't be a wife or a mother?) I believe we often feel we are "ready" for certain things and seasons in our lives, but are we really? I'll have to admit I am not ready to not be a wife or a mother, but I know if that's in God's plan for me, I'll learn to get "ready." You see I think being "ready" isn't so much about being at a specific place or stage in our lives, as it is about being willing to change. I don't think we reach a magical point in our lives when we are "ready" for anything. However I do believe that we can prepare ourselves for change, however that looks. I do believe we reach a point in our lives when we aren't so focused on ourselves that we can truly say we are "ready," however that looks and feel.

God told Moses this in Exodus 23:20: "Now get yourselves ready. I'm sending my Angel ahead of you to guard you in your travels, to lead you to the place that I've prepared." I don't think Moses had a clue what was instore for him, so how could he be "ready?" But I believe God is telling Moses: "Trust me, Follow me and Love me." That's all God really ask of us, yet we make it way too complicated. We see our lives lived out in stages we have to be "ready" for. I don't think we can ever really be "ready." Life is always changing and by the time we get "ready" for season, God has already started introducing us to a new one.

Ask any wife and she'll tell you marriage was nothing she was "ready" for. Ask any mom and she'll tell you parenthood is something you can never truly be "ready" for. Ask anyone and they'll tell you life is always filled with experiences they were not "ready" for. So God I guess ready or not, I am "ready."

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Emptying Your Pockets

I was reading in Psalms the other day (chapter 42 to be exact). There is a line that talks about emptying out the pockets of my life. I began to think about that. What does that mean? The verses that lead up to this one just talk about desiring to be closer to God, but not sure if you'll ever be there. It talks about doubts of others and maybe from ourselves. "Where is this God of yours? These are the things I go over and over, emptying out the pockets of my life?" I began to think to my days as a kid when I'd go walking through the woods or near a pond. Whenever I saw a rock that looked cool or something I wasn't sure what it was, I'd bend down pick it up and store in my pocket. By the end of the day, I'd get home and my pockets would be full rocks, dirt, flowers, bugs, and anything else I felt like picking up that day. Even though I seemed to collect a lot of junk, I never waned to get rid of it. Somehow even though I knew it was junk, it was my junk! Why are we so possesive of everything that is ours, even the junk? If we'd just empty our pockets of all the junk, we could fill them up again and again and again. But if they are full of junk they can't be filled with what we need. I believe the same is true about our minds and hearts. If we fill our mind with junk there is no room for the good stuff. (Think about it ... name two main characters from Seinfield, tell me how many Friends made up the show, tell me how many times have the Cavs won a national title, name the logo for McDonald's, etc.) It's crazy how much useless information we store and continue to put in our minds. One way I believe we can empty our minds is by sharing all we know useful and useless by blogging. (I'm putting it out here, you decide what you put in ... lol) Also I believe we do the same with our hearts. We take in junk (hurt, pain, lies, etc.) and keep it there. We store so much junk in there that pretty soon there's no room for the good stuff (love, friendships, peace, joy, etc.). What are you storing? Is it time to empty your pockets?

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Reality Is

I’m writing this as I watch the Spurs blow the Cavs away. As I watch this game, I can’t help but feel the frustration of the Cavs. I even commented at halftime how I think I would just pack up and go home. I guess you have to give to the guys for hanging in there when’s it’s obvious they are not going to win. Then I started thinking of all the times I’ve wanted to pack up and head home, so to speak. Today at church Konan talked about the desert of your soul and how your focus becomes your reality. I have just been thinking about how true that is in every aspect of our lives. Even in basketball. The Cavs didn’t end up winning, but they did finish strong and go from a 30-point deficit to an 11-point loss.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Dropped Ball

As you may have read in April I "promised" to keep up with this blogging thing. As you also may have noticed I dropped the ball. That's something I've learned in life ... there are going to be times when we drop the ball, but what really matters is if we pick it back up. So that's why (thanks to Gary's accountability) I am going to give this blogging thing another try. I think it's hard for me because I always feel like I need to write some fabulous piece that will enlighten the world, but I am discovering that's not what blogging is about at all. I think it is actually more for myself than anyone else. As I begin to open up and write, I am learning to stop thinking and just start writing.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

All Skate

Isn't it funny how you can hear 10 seconds of a song and instantly go back in time. I was searching some tunes online and came across some Sugar Hill Gang. I was instantly at the skating rink. That was probably one of the better all-skate songs. I instantly went back to the days of pig tails and knee socks. Oh and how could I forget the skates that looked like tennis shoes. (You know what I'm talking about, the blue and yellow ones.) I never got to wear those anyways because they never came in my size. It was either rent the boring brown skates or wear the plastic ones that go over your shoes. You can guess which ones I wore. I was never really one of those super-speed skaters, but I could hold my own. Afterall we went every Saturday morning. Probably my favorite part about the skating rink was the concession stand. I thought I was so cool because I could skate up to the counter and order my food. (Go figure I would remember the food.) It never failed I would order a jump rope licorice and have it ate before I crashed back into our booth. It just amazes me how a song has the power to take me to a specific place in time. And not just recalling fun moments and memories, but even the smells. Remember how the skating rentals smelled ... nothing like stanky, stiff pleather!