Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Just say "No"

So I am reading this book called "Boundaries" and I am learning more and more how important it is to have boundaries in my life. I think it's crazy how as a child all I ever wanted to be was a grown up and now as a grown up I find there are times I'd much rather be a child. I never really understood why, until I started to read this book.

You see as a child I grew up never wanting to have limits. Actually I grew up believing I had no limits. I wanted to know how to do everything everyone else did and putting up boundaries would mean I couldn't do some things. Thinking back I know how silly that sounds, but it was my mentallity. I believed if I said "no" to something I was admitting I was less or weak. BUT now after reading through this book, I know that "Nos" are just as much as sign of strength as weakness. I am learning that saying "No" is OK and even necessary at times.

This book has truly impacted my life because for so long I have been walking around believing "I" can do anything. But now I know "I" can't do it all nor do I need to try to. Now I know the power of "No." I am learning to say no and leave it at that. No guilt, no shame. But I also know it is a process. You can't just set up boundaries overnight and think that's all that needs to happen. Boundaries need to be followed. So I am starting small with food and exercise boundaries, with the antispation of bigger boundaries. Who knows by saying "no" to some things, I may be able to say "yes" to more things.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Becoming an athlete?

Some of you may be wondering if I finished the race (a half marathon) ... well... I did. But let me tell you it wasn't easy! This was probably one of the hardest, most fullfilling things I have ever done.

I know a lot of folks were a little hesitant of me actually finishing, which may of had something to do with the fact I didn't train. (I know I'm insane.) When I first signed up for this race, I think I was signing up once again to try and prove something to everyone. And once again God used this race as a way to prove to me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

I've been a fan of sports my whole life (yes my whole life)and I've always had this desire to compete and I always had this even deeper desire to prove something to everyone. Because of the birth defect I was born it's obvious I would never score the winning shot on a b-ball team or spike the winning point for a volleyball team. I think every athlete has that desire to impact his/her team and make a winning touchdown or shot. Sometimes that desire is what even keeps many from playing. At least it did for me. I always thought if I can't be competitive, why even play. Over the years I participated less and less in sports and became more of a spectator. I became that crazy fanatic person who went ballistic when the ref missed a called or made a wrong one. I became the one who was jumping up and down on the sideline why someone else was crossing the goal line.

But then that got old. And my desire to be in the game never went away. So I thought why not run. I got two legs! As I began to train, I forgot how hard it was to work for something you really want. You see I was so used to being a spectator that I forgot about all the pratice that goes in before the big game. I had become comfortable being a spectator, which meant I never really felt the thrill of winning. And the idea of working for it became less of a thrill. So I trained less and less. And the day of the race kept getting closer and closer. As the race approached I knew I had a decision to make. I could just walk away from the race, say I didn't train and leave it at that. But that would also mean saying "I quit," which isn't something I do. It isn't something athletes do and I'd like to think I'm an athlete in this game of life.

So I did what any athlete would do. I finished the race. Did I run at top speed and blow away the competition? No. In fact, I walked a lot of the race. And I would have walked all day if that's what it would of took to finished (I actually finished in a little under 4 hours, not too bad for not training). I just used the time during the race to start listening to my coach. I began to hear His voice more clearly and run/walk off all the other junk that has been holding me back. Finishing the race felt so amazing. I had this awesome feeling of accomplishment. And most importantly I no longer felt like a spectator. I became an athlete.