God's Promises

A couple of weeks ago I saw a rainbow. I've seen plenty of rainbows in my life, but this one was different. This time I didn't just see the colors and shape, I saw God's promises. Too often I think we look at things and look past their true meaning. God sent a rainbow to remind Noah of his promise to never flood the earth again. When you think about it rainbows come after the rain, even during the rain sometimes. I think God is so cool, because He knows exactly when we need to be reminded of His promises. When the sun is shining and things are great, we aren't really looking for promises. But during the rain, we are looking but cannot always see them.

I am in middle of a pretty scary season in my life. I recently found out that all the pain that I have been having for the past six months is caused my a lack of development in my shoulders. The doctor said that there are parts of my shoulders that are only as developed as a seven-year-old's. In the midst of all the pain, I lost sight of God's promises for my life. Well not so much that I forgot, but I couldn't stay focused on them. They didn't seem possible. I stopped dreaming. I started going over my list of God's promises and wanted to start crossing things out. Then I saw the rainbow. And I remembered even though things may not go as I have planned, they will go exactly as God has planned. He knows the deepest desires of my heart and I know His promises are true. I believe God promises for my life are so true and will come to be when God is ready to reveal them. Not when I feel I need to see them or have them. Not when I think time's running out.

"What's more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you." Genesis 28:15 (New Living Translation)

So the next time you see a rainbow, take a moment and remember God's promises.

Dare to Risk

OK, so if you read Gary's blog, you already know that I got my nose pierced yesterday. Gary did a great job of randomly tying in my nose piercing to life, but rather than leave a long comment on his blog I decided to blog about my life and how my nose piercing ties in. So here it is ...

We live in a world that is full of risks. We can take risks with our finances at a casino. We can take risks with our health by eating at any of the multiple fast food restaurants spread across the U.S. We can take risks with our personal lives by interacting with random strangers online at any given time. We can take risks with our lives by exceeding speed limits and driving without our seat belts. Some of you may think I acted on stupidity by piercing my nose. I like to think I took a risk.

You see I have always been the predictable, dependable girl. The one who always makes wise and good decisions. The who takes few risks. That is until yesterday. For as long as I can remember, Christianity has been about good decisions and few risks for me. Loving God meant knowing what I could and couldn't do. It was about rules and reasons, not risks.

In the past few years I feel I have grown more spiritually than ever before. And because of the growth, I am learning that Christianity and loving God means taking risks. It means jumping on any impulse that God puts on my heart. It means talking to a stranger about God's freedom. It means working everyday for him even if there is no financial security. It means loving without fear. It means standing up for what I believe. It means believing in His plan for my life. It means acting now, instead of hoping he will still make a way later. It means loving where he has me at, and not focusing on where I could go.

All that to say my nose piercing is a visual and permanent reminder to me that life is about taking risks. Some of those risks result in amazing opportunities. And others result in huge scars. Either way, a life without risks means living a life full of dreams, instead of living your dream life.

Present Peace

It's been almost a month since we've been in Nicaragua and God is still revealing things to me. We experienced some amazing things the week we were there. God showed up in the church services, in our silly dramas, and even in our ridiculous dances (all I'm gonna say is "It sure is hot out here!" LOL). I'm always blown away by how God moves in people's hearts during a missions trip. I still remember the first trip I ever went on to Barbados(it wasn't as exotic as it sounds, we were really roughin' it for Jesus). I remember the faces of the people and children like it was yesterday. I always walk away from each trip with a greater sense of God's peace. A peace that constantly builds upon itself. Just when I think I couldn't experience any greater peace, God gives me more. Especially in specific areas of my life. There are so many experiences that God has introduced new peace into my life. For example, I never imagined I could feel peace gliding across a zip line thousands of feet above the ground, but I did. (With the help of my guide, Rambo!)

I was thinking about that and then I was reading this morning that "to experience peace, we must be feeding our relationship with God." Then I read "you can't retain peace in the present by relying on a relationship from the past." It became clear to me that we experience more peace, when we experience more of God. Our relationship with him is a journey. Peace is not a one-stop drop or similar to something we'd order from fast food drive through. God's peace is continual. It's just up to us, how deep and how often we experience it. We need to be open to experience all that he has for us. We need to be willing to keep our relationship with him in the present.

God's Timing

Well I figured I'm due for another blog, so here it goes ...

A couple of weeks ago, I was able to be a part of our first mission trip for C3 church. We went to Nicaragua. It was an amazing trip. I am even more amazed by God's timing. I was able to spend a week in a foreign country with one of my closest friends, two amazing mentors (that's you gary and konan), many new friends, and a beautiful little girl named Hannah (who's in the picture). I could have never imagined God would bring us all together for one week in Nicaragua!

I met Hannah and her mother Cathy about a year or so ago in Columbus. They were here because a missionary had made contact with a doctor at Children's to operate on Hannah. She has a trach and was brought to Columbus for surgery. Her mother left her husband and other daughter behind, as she traveled to country where she didn't know the language or anyone, all in the hopes to hear her daughter's sweet voice for the first time. The missionary had contact my friend Janelle, who worked at the District office with me, to see if she could help Cathy and Hannah while they were here. Janelle is amazing translator and was able to help Cathy tremendously. I can speak a little spanish (si, si), but not enough to communicate with Cathy and Hannah or at least I thought.

Janelle and I took turns staying with Cathy night and day at the hospital, while Hannah had her surgery. They tried several times to remove her trach, but she had become so used to breathing through her neck that she was unable to to adapt to breathing through her mouth and nose. In the end the doctor decide to replace her trach with a smaller one in hopes that as she grew older she would be able to adapt better without it.

As sad as it seemed to see them leave and Hannah still have the trach, I knew God had something amazing in store for her. I remember how hard it was to say goodbye to them. For months I had spent everyday with them and to think I may never see them was hard. But I knew that I didn't give my time and open my heart up to them out of obligation or appreciation. The time I spent with them was out of love. Love for God's children. We love because we can. Not because we should. I love Hannah because before she's anything, she's God's child.

I can't really describe how it felt to see her again. She is a beautiful, beautiful child. Cathy said she may be coming back to Ohio to try the surgery again some time this year. I can't wait. I am praying the next time I see her, I will be able to hear her sweet little voice.

My point to all this is you never know how and when God will use you or others to show His love. We just need to be open and ready, because if we are there's no telling how or when God will use us. After all He brought a child from Nicaragua into my life and took me there for her!

Share God's Love

As a part of a Better BeckE in 08, I've decided to evaluate and in some cases change the way I view things and people in my life. For example, let's take today. For those of you who weren't aware (not sure who you are) today is Valentine's Day. It's the wonderful Hallmark holiday our society has created to make sure we tell others how much we love them. I've never understood why we need a specific day, because if we love someone shouldn't they know it already? Shouldn't we tell them we love them more than just one day out of the year?

If you can't tell already, I've never really been a big fan of Valentine's Day. In the past I always looked as it as a day to remind me of what I didn't have. There was no gorgeous man waiting for me to get home to eat this elaborate meal he cooked me (yes I need a man who can cook. I appreciate food, not so much cooking it, as I do eating it, ha). There was never a secret admirer who would send me endless amounts of flowers, (which I must say I'm OK with. I'd much rather have the chocolates and home-cooked meal. I never really understood the fascination with flowers because they just wilt and die.) My point is: Valentine's has never been my favorite day of the year because I was trying to make it about something it's not.

So I've decided to change the way I look at Valentine's Day. Society says it's about relationships we have with others, but I've decided to make it about the relationship I have with God. Today isn't the day for me to remind everyone that I love how important they are to me, instead it should be about sharing God's love with them and yes, even to strangers. Today is a day for us, as Christ-followers, to show the world love isn't an emotion, as much as it is an action.

Take as many chances as you can today to share God's love. Buy a stranger a cup of coffee. Let a car pass you and don't get annoyed even if they do cut you off. Call your grandma and tell her you love her. Send a letter to an old friend. Take time today to share God's love. Because today is about love, just not as society says it should be. It's not about the love we don't have, as much as it is about the love that we have.

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."
1 Corinthians 13:12-13

Better BeckE in '08

Ok, so I've been inspired to start a campaign. Maybe it's all the politics in the news. Maybe it's the fact it's election year. Maybe it's the fact the State of Union was on last night. Or maybe it's the Mexican food I had yesterday kicking in. Regardless of the cause, I'm off and running. Here's the slogan: "A Better BeckE in '08!" Pretty clever, huh? Well I can't actually take credit for it, G. Fowler made it up the other day and it just stuck.
I got to thinking, what if we all spent about half as much time into making ourselves better, as we do complaining about what's wrong with everyone else. I am sure the main reason is we never like to think we are that bad. There's always someone worse, right? Not to mention it's always easier to tell someone how to fix themselves rather than make changes ourselves. Hey, there's my platform. "It time for a Change!"
Although there may not be too many people who would support that. I mean there are plenty of people out there who say "It's Time for a Change," but in actuality they won't stand up for change. Think about it. This year there could possibly be a woman on the ballot when we go to vote, but how many people do you think that's all they were pushing for. I'm not so sure America is ready to be lead by a woman, but I do believe there are a lot of people who are ready to make it look like they are. Ok think about it this way, how many of us say or even believe we need to lose a few pounds, but when it comes down to getting out of bed a little bit earlier or changing our meal habits we question if it's really worth it. It sounds good, but doesn't always feel so good. It's so true and I'm tired of it.
That's what this campaign is all about ... making changes that last. Making changes that last longer than a dozen of hot fresh donuts! (any other mouths watering?) I want to stop saying the changes are coming, but actually start working on them. It's not going to easy and maybe that's the problem. I think too often we forget that anything worth anything is never easy. We just expect things to be and that's where the complaining comes in. More importantly that's where the CHANGE needs to happen.
So will you join me in my campaign? What is it about you that needs to change? Are you willing to make the change or will you just keep complaining?
This ad has been sponsored by C3 Church. The place where dreams begin and changes are made!

Warning: I'm Back!

Well after taking a few months off, I'm back to blogging! I just couldn't take all the hounding from my fans (both of them have just been driving me crazy about returning to the blogging world, ha,ha).

Blogging is the one thing that should be easy for me, but that's not always the case. I mean I love to write. I know it is a great gift God has blessed me, but at the same time I always feel I have to write something profound and long. I feel since it's a gift it's my job to use it effectively. But I am learning that if God blesses us with gifts then it's only our job to use them, he will supply the meaning. Afterall, how effective is a gift if you never use it.

So as I set my personal growth plan for this year, I vow to make blogging a part of it. I will also do my best to try not to get caught up in the details of what I write about and just write. So you've been warned!

Just say "No"

So I am reading this book called "Boundaries" and I am learning more and more how important it is to have boundaries in my life. I think it's crazy how as a child all I ever wanted to be was a grown up and now as a grown up I find there are times I'd much rather be a child. I never really understood why, until I started to read this book.

You see as a child I grew up never wanting to have limits. Actually I grew up believing I had no limits. I wanted to know how to do everything everyone else did and putting up boundaries would mean I couldn't do some things. Thinking back I know how silly that sounds, but it was my mentallity. I believed if I said "no" to something I was admitting I was less or weak. BUT now after reading through this book, I know that "Nos" are just as much as sign of strength as weakness. I am learning that saying "No" is OK and even necessary at times.

This book has truly impacted my life because for so long I have been walking around believing "I" can do anything. But now I know "I" can't do it all nor do I need to try to. Now I know the power of "No." I am learning to say no and leave it at that. No guilt, no shame. But I also know it is a process. You can't just set up boundaries overnight and think that's all that needs to happen. Boundaries need to be followed. So I am starting small with food and exercise boundaries, with the antispation of bigger boundaries. Who knows by saying "no" to some things, I may be able to say "yes" to more things.

Becoming an athlete?

Some of you may be wondering if I finished the race (a half marathon) ... well... I did. But let me tell you it wasn't easy! This was probably one of the hardest, most fullfilling things I have ever done.

I know a lot of folks were a little hesitant of me actually finishing, which may of had something to do with the fact I didn't train. (I know I'm insane.) When I first signed up for this race, I think I was signing up once again to try and prove something to everyone. And once again God used this race as a way to prove to me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

I've been a fan of sports my whole life (yes my whole life)and I've always had this desire to compete and I always had this even deeper desire to prove something to everyone. Because of the birth defect I was born it's obvious I would never score the winning shot on a b-ball team or spike the winning point for a volleyball team. I think every athlete has that desire to impact his/her team and make a winning touchdown or shot. Sometimes that desire is what even keeps many from playing. At least it did for me. I always thought if I can't be competitive, why even play. Over the years I participated less and less in sports and became more of a spectator. I became that crazy fanatic person who went ballistic when the ref missed a called or made a wrong one. I became the one who was jumping up and down on the sideline why someone else was crossing the goal line.

But then that got old. And my desire to be in the game never went away. So I thought why not run. I got two legs! As I began to train, I forgot how hard it was to work for something you really want. You see I was so used to being a spectator that I forgot about all the pratice that goes in before the big game. I had become comfortable being a spectator, which meant I never really felt the thrill of winning. And the idea of working for it became less of a thrill. So I trained less and less. And the day of the race kept getting closer and closer. As the race approached I knew I had a decision to make. I could just walk away from the race, say I didn't train and leave it at that. But that would also mean saying "I quit," which isn't something I do. It isn't something athletes do and I'd like to think I'm an athlete in this game of life.

So I did what any athlete would do. I finished the race. Did I run at top speed and blow away the competition? No. In fact, I walked a lot of the race. And I would have walked all day if that's what it would of took to finished (I actually finished in a little under 4 hours, not too bad for not training). I just used the time during the race to start listening to my coach. I began to hear His voice more clearly and run/walk off all the other junk that has been holding me back. Finishing the race felt so amazing. I had this awesome feeling of accomplishment. And most importantly I no longer felt like a spectator. I became an athlete.

Classics

A couple of weeks ago, I traveled with the family down south to Pigeon Forge, Tenn. There was this huge car show. I am not kiding, there were easily more than 100,000 folks there. The last time we went down for this car show (several years ago) my dad backed our van into a pole, because he was too busy starring at some car (it was more than likely a '63 Chevy Impala SS). As soon as we got there this time my mom was constantly telling him to pay attention to the road, but I'm sure he didn't even hear her. He just kept saying, "Look at that one!" "Man, look at that engine!" "Beck, did you see that Chevy?" "There's a GTO, how much is it?" (Knowing there was no way he was buying one.)

I was amazed at how many people showed up to look at these classic cars. The majority of them were probably reliving the "good old days." That's all my folks kept saying: "Remember when I had that GTO?" or "That was just like the Chevy I had, only mine was red." My dad keep saying "Man I wishy I would have kept my Chevy."

It's funny how we never really know what we've got til it's gone. My parents said when they were younger a '63 Chevy was just a car, but now it's a classic. That just blows my mind. How something that was just a mean of transportation is now something you rarely want to drive. Then I began to think about life, my life, what are the things that I am possibly taking advantage of now that I could regret later? What or who is it in my life that I am not enjoying enough now?

I don't ever want to think of my life or the people in it as classics. Just like great friends and family, classics are cool to look at and to be around but expensive to repair and rebuild. Classics are just a more expensive version of what used to be and of what we wish could still be.

(If I did own a classic car, it would be the one in this picture.)

Lost

Things have been a little crazy lately (not that they aren't always crazy, just a little more than usual). For the past few weeks I've been through so many emotions. Laughing one moment and sobbing the next. My grandma died the last week of August. She was diagnosed as being in the last stages of Alzheimer's in May. Everytime I start to think about how hard it was for me to let her go, I think of my mom and how hard it had to be for her. My grandmother went from this stubborn, outspoken, loving woman (yes you can be all of these at the same time) to a quiet woman who didn't know anyone. There were days when I am not sure she even knew who she was.

She was lost, or at least that's what people would say. Even when she died people would call, come over and say how sorry they were for our loss. I am curious to know how that saying even got started, because I don't think I lost her. If anything I gained her for etenity. My grandma was not a Christian growing up or even in her adult life. But she gave her life to Christ in a hospital bed a short time before she was diagnosed in May.

Whenever I think of something I've lost, my mind immediately takes me to the last place I was when I had it and then my mind takes me to the fact I will never have it again. Think about it. Think of something you've lost. Growing up I was just a little squirt. I only weighed 17 pounds in kindergarten and 15 of that was probably my head! I was just this cute little bobble-head, kind of like Dora :) My mom used to lose me all the time in the store (well maybe I would get lost from my mom, I had a tendacy to get swallowed by the clothing racks). Anyways my point being as soon as I was out of my mom's sight, I could almost always hear her saying "She was just right here!" Then I would hear her say in shear panic,"What if someone took her?" When we lose something or someone, we instantly think about how they will no longer be around and how we will no longer be able to talk with them, laugh with them, cry with them or just love them.

I don't think of my grandma's death as me losing her, because now when I think of her I know she is happy. I know she knows who she is and all the people who love her. I know she's not sad and lonely. I know she's laughing and smiling constantly. I know she knows exactly where she is. I know she's waiting for me. I know she's not lost.

Growth

I love change. I love how things are constantly moving - growing. I think change means growth, but there are times when change doesn't necesssarily mean growth. There are times when change happens because things refuse to grow and the only thing that can happen is something changes.

Think about a plant that hasn't been water. Before it dries up and dies, it changes. It goes from something green and full of life, into something brown and brittle. Before it becomes lifeless, it goes through stages of loss. First it begins to droop, then it becomes brittle and dry. Finally it begins to lose its color and dries up. These stages happen at different paces for different plants.

I think the same can be true for our spiritual lives as well. We all go through various stages in our lives. If we don't continue to grow, we continue to wilt. It's up to us to decide which way we change. It's all a matter of what we are watering our lives with. Just like a plant, we need to be feed by the right thing. If you try to water a plant with soda or OJ, you're going to soon realiize you're not helping the plant. Same goes for our lives, if we don't water our lives with the right things (reading the Bible, growing in the Word, good friends, etc), we will soon find ourselves beginning to wilt.

The choice always seems so simple, but too often we make it so difficult. Water makes plants grow, but it does us no good to know that if we don't apply it. In the same way, knowing what's right for us spiritually isn't enough to make us grow. We have to apply what we know.

An Open Book ...

Have you heard of the phrase "My life is an open book?" I've been thinking about that. What does that really mean?

I used to think it meant you were transparent. Meaning everything you did was always out and in the open, but now I am not so sure. Only beacause if you take a book and open it up, you only see two pages from the entire book. So how can two pages tell you everything about the book? You may be able to pick up on the current chapter that you're open to, but there is really no way to really know what's next, is there?

I think life's the same way. I believe we can choose to open up or be transparent in a particular season (or chapter) in our lives, but there really no way to know what's next. For me the phrase may allude more to the fact that our lives need to be like a book that no matter what season we are in, we remain transparent. Think about there are certain chapters in books that are very fun and easy to read, but then there are some that are so complicated and confusing (maybe like this blog for some ... lol) that you have to read over and over to try and make sense of it. Sometimes our lives can be just as confusing as those chapters.

Just to be as clear as "an open book," I guess what I'm saying is that no matter the season (or chapter) of life you are in do your best to live life in the open. No matter how complex, confusing or hurtful your season is there's probably someone out there waiting to hear (or read) about it.

Wounds

My dog has had a spot on his paw for a couple of days now. He keeps licking it. My sister, who is a nurse, got me some bandages and spray to put on it, but the stuff will only work if he keeps it on - which he doesn't. My roommate called me yesterday to say the dog had torn the bandage off and shredded it into pieces. I wrapped his paw several times in one day, only to have him tear it off. So I had to resort to benedrayl. I had to knock him out to get him to leave the wound alone. He had no clue I was giving him pills to keep him from chewing off his bandage, he just knew he would be getting a peanut butter sandwich twice a day!

I began to think about that ... as the person applying the bandage, it was extremely frustrating that he wouldn't just leave the bandage and sore alone. But then I began to think about when I've had to wear a bandage or had a wound. It's not so easy to ignore then. I can kind of understand my dog's need to take the bandage off. About five years ago I had to have three serious surgeries in one year. I am not sure I have experienced as much pain as I did during that time, but the thing that sticks out in my mind the most about that time in my life wasn't just the pain. I also remember how I just wanted to be past it. I remember just wanting to take the annoying contraption, which was screwed into my bone, off. Somehow I thought if the contraption was gone, then the pain would go away. But somehow just like my dog, I often had to resort taking some pills to knock me out in order to forget about the pain.

What about you? Is your pain something you are constantly trying to digging at? Is God trying to heal it but you are too busy trying to tear the bandage off? Are you too busy focusing on your wound to know you're in the healing process? Or does God often have to knock you over the head to get you realize he will bring you through it?

An American Citizen

When you are born an American citizen, you sometimes tend to forget exactly what that means. There are certain rights and freedoms that are just a part of your life. You know that they came at the cost of many but you don’t always feel inspired to take advantage of them.

Recently I got to witness one of my closest friends take an oath of citizenship. Wow! What a truly amazing experience. It was very powerful and inspiring to hear all the opportunities and rights she instantly received. It kind of made me look at my citizenship differently. Before it was just a right I had, now it’s more of an opportunity for me to seek out. Somehow a right is more of known thing but an opportunity is more of something to you are challenged to take on.

It was awesome to hear a judge express verbal what it really means to be an American. He talked about how America is filled with a diverse group of people and how that’s what makes America unique and full of culture. I love people and not just who they are but who they can be. He talked about how each person has something of value to bring to America. And I began to think of what value I have to offer America. I think too often we wonder what America has to offer us, instead of what do we have to offer America.

Directionally Challenged

Have you ever set out to go somewhere, only to realize you are not so sure where you're headed? It happened to me yesterday. A trip that was supposed to take me a little over an hour ended up taking me what seemed like forever. Before I left, I printed out directions. There were step by step directions to get to my destinations, but as soon as I started out there was a detour. I'll admit I continued to follow the directions, even though there was a sign saying the road was closed ahead. (I know I was just asking to get lost.) I thought just maybe the detour didn't apply to me ( I know that's what I get for thinking.) Needless to say I finally got where I was going after spending a couple of hours just driving, praying Jesus had my wheel ( alittle something for all you Carrie Underwood fans ...lol).

The point I am trying to make it that in life how often does God give us detour signs and we just choose to ignore them. How often do we choose to look past them, assuming they may apply to thers but not us. I guess now I am going to try to pay alittle more attention to the obvious signs right in front of me.

101 Things About Me ...

1. I love every shade of the color yellow.
2. I am struggling with this list already.
3. The snooze button is my friend.
4. I love to sleep in.
5. Well maybe I don't love to sleep in as much as I love to get up when I want to not when the clock says to.
6. I think I have the best, smartest dog in the world.
7. I like to think I'm bilingual.
8. My spanish speaking skills need some practice.
9. I love my family.
10. It will take an amazing man to love me as much as my dad does.
11. I wish I was a little bit taller.
12. I wish I was a baller.
13. I know the lyrics to way too many songs from the 80s and 90s.
14. My sister is my best friend. (Thanks for loving me for me!)
15. I want to live in another country at some point in my life.
16. I love the fact that God created us all diferent.
17. I dream of making a difference in this world.
18. I often fear I won't be as affective as God intended me to be.
19. I want to write a book.
20. I am a dreamer ... anything is possible.
21. I struggle with saying "no."
22. I am often too deep ... I think too much.
23. I have never heard of poop being referred to as "doody."
24. I think monkeys are adorable.
25. I have paintings from South America hanging in my house.
26. I stink at cooking.
27. I love to eat and try new foods.
28. I love change.
29. I have been in three car accidents.
30. I totalled my car once driving 10 miles an hour.
31. I love how music can take you to a specific place in time.
32. I have to eat something sweet after a meal.
33. I can't imagine my life without my family - mom, dad, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins - all of you.
34. I am a CRAZY sports fan ... I guess you could say I am a fanatic.
35. I want to go to Lambeau Field in the freezing cold to see a game.
36. I only like baseball if I see it live ... otherwise it's boring.
37. I play a mean 18 holes of golf.
38. My roommate and I watch "Saved By The Bell" reruns every morning.
39. I've been a buckeyes fan since birth ... I watched Archie Griffith play on tv when I was a month old in the hospital.
40. I love being me ... but it gets tiring sometimes.
41. I've never been in love.
42. I dream of meeting my prince charming.
43. I think I am worth being pursued.
44. I am a sucker for a good smelling man ( Axe doesn't count).
45. I think you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes and shoes.
46. I bite my nails.
47. I keep too much inside.
48. I don't like confrontation - but I am learning it doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
49. The only thing better than chipotle tacos are my mom's.
50. I love to write, but I don't do it as much as I'd like ... not sure why.
51. I used to be allergic to diary products as a kid ... whole milk still messes me up sometimes.
52. I am not a big fan of eggs.
53. I love movies that inspire me.
54. I like to cheer for the underdog.
55. I believe in others more than I do myself sometimes.
56. Children melt my heart.
57. I fear I won't make an impact.
58. I don't like it when a guy takes longer to get ready than I do.
59. Ive hiked through the rainforest in Honduras.
60. I love to challenge myself.
61. I don't challenge myself enough.
62. I believe life's about the journey, not the destination.
63. I've always dreamed of being a missionary.
64. I used to doubt God could use me.
65. I know God is even using me now.
66. I love the power words can have.
67. I have a lot of books.
68. I have a bad habit of starting a book and not finishing it.
69. I work best with deadlines.
70. I am a procastinator.
71. I have a hard time letting people know the real me.
72. This list is stretching me.
73. I think scars are proof we are strong.
74. I have scars on my knees from running to do the electric slide.
75. I love to dance.
76. I wear a diamond earing in my left ear that belonged to a great friend who was killed in a car accident when he was 16.
77. I look a lot younger than I really am.
78. I believe the future will be better than I can imagine.
79. I worry too much about the future, instead of just letting it happen.
80. Life isn't about whether or not you make mistakes, but how you move past them.
81. I taught my dog to understand spanish.
82. I hate that my feet are so small.
83. I wear a size 2 in kids.
84. I own way too many pairs of jeans that I don't wear.
85. I keep too many things for too long ... I am a packrat.
86. I like to read in spanish to keep the language fresh in my mind.
87. I subcribe to US weekly, People Espanol and ESPN (the first two I just randomly picked).
88. I want to see as much of the world as possible.
89. I'd love to raise my children in another country ... possibly Africa.
90. I love sushi.
91. I love to take long bubble baths.
92. I don't pamper myself as much as I should.
93. I don't like to talk on the phone a lot ... I am more of a face-to-face person.
94. I want a tattoo.
95. I wish I was as good at motivating myself as I am at motivating others.
96. I love to watch sports, even golf. I miss my ESPN!
97. I want to be remembered as someone who achieved the impossible ... someone who was used by God.
98. I highly dislike the color pink.
99. I don't like to cry in front of people.
100. I want to be a mom.
101. I think words are like art ... only the artist knows their true meaning.

I got two legs

Last night I was watching Wife Swap and felt inspired to blog. One family was a little people couple, while the other was a hardcore physically fit family. I found it very interesting to watch as these two extremely different families interacted. One family was all about focusing on the inner person, while the other was all about focusing on their outer appearance. Watching these two families interact, it became clear to me that we need to have a balance between the two. It's good to focus on the "inner" you, but at the same time it's important to take care of the "outer" you so to speak.

Finding that balance has been a challenge for me. Because I was born with birth defect I have struggled at times to challenge myself physically. It's not that I didn't feel I couldn't do things, but more so the feeling that I was not at a level to compete with others. Growing up I loved to watch any kind of sports game. I would even feel comfortable playing just about sport, yet I have never really competed in any sport. I guess deep down I never really felt I was capable of competing, especially because I want to win. I had an if I am not going to win, why compete attitude.

But I have learned to realize that even though I may not be able to adequately compete with others, that's not really what competition is all about. Sometimes the best competition is with yourself. SO I have decided, yes I was born with a birth defect that makes it difficult for me to be a champion volleyball player or future WNBA superstar but I got two legs that are perfectly capable of running. Yes that's right I am running a half marathon. I may die in the process (OK I may be slightly over exaggerating), but I am going to do it. The only thing that can keep me from finishing is me!

I guess this a challenge to you, too. Nothing worth anything is ever easy to do. I am not saying you need to go and sign up for the marathon, but I am saying go find your marathon. Find whatever it is that you need to compete on a deeper level with yourself. Whether that be a relationship, a work situation, a dream, whatever it is go after it.

Fear

Have you ever been so scared, it scared you? You know the kind of scared that you're not sure what you will do or say. For me fear has always been the opposite. Fear actually keeps me from doing anything, rather than doing the wrong thing. Have you ever experienced the frozen factor of fear? I have experienced this more times than I care to recall. You know the "I'm too scared to do what I know I need to do" kind of fear.
But as I continue to travel through journey called life, I am realizing it's not so much about whether or not you're scared or what your fears are, as it is if you're willing to face them. Release from fear isn't about whether or not you've overcome it, as much as it is if you've faced. So I guess what I'm saying is there are a lot of things I am afraid of and I'm OK with that. I am learning to not worry so much about all my fears as I am about facing them. So here's to your fears. Stop hiding and start facing them!

Live big, Dream big

I recently went home for a few days. It's a pretty big family event. My sister was born on the Fourth of July. As I was driving through certain areas of my hometown, I began to think about how big the town used to feel. Certain buildings and neighborhoods used to seem so much bigger. I remember as a kid driving by some houses thinking they were huge. I also remember going downtown to shop at Reid's, the big department store. Then I began to think about how I look at those places now. Now the neighborhoods aren't so big and the downtown area isn't quite as big as I remember it to be. When I was living in the same small town, surrounded by the same small buildings, people and jobs, my dreams seemed too big for me.

I think sometimes that's they way it is with life. If we choose to live our lives in same season, change wil always seem too big. It will always be something that is too hard to do. When I look back on my life 10 years ago, I can see I was living way too small. Now I am not saying you need to move to a big city to live out your dreams. But I am saying it takes moving, changing, out of your comfort zone, to live as big as your dreams.

I am not even sure if any of that made sense. Just a glimpse into the deep, random thoughts that I get out of simple things like driving through my hometown.